Sunday, November 7, 2010

Moving Pictures.

Have you ever been in a situation where you're telling a story you think is absolutely riveting, but the person you're talking to is looking more and more bored? Now you can't just sit around and let your social awesomeness fade away. No, you have no self confidence. So this just won't do.

So what do you do?

Well, you can't end this awesome story with:

"And then she got back into the car,"

Because this would be proving to your friend-who-just-doesn't-get-it that you are indeed and in fact boring. stretch the truth a little and instead of "She got back into the car," what comes out of your mouth is:

"And then she just took all of her clothes off,"

There you go. Now you've done it. You've got their full attention. Your social awesomeness has been restored.

But see, you don't think about the aftermath of this tiny little lie.

Because right after, this happens:

"I did not!"

"I always knew she was a whore,"

"....I'm standing right here,"

And then everyone knows that's not how the story ends and while the unnamed she very may be thought of as a whore it's still all your fault for bringing it up and what's wrong with you anyway?

So you stand there awkwardly while you watch your awesomeness bubble get smaller and smaller and smaller.

But really, what other choice do you have?

It's a lose lose.

Really you only have two options.

A. You can stand there and end the story with what really happened and your-friend-who-doesn't-get-it will nod in that condescending way that say's 'You poor dear,' and then walk away. Leaving you in a self proclaimed panic that you've made such a horrible fool of yourself that no one will ever like you again and you'll end up that person on the train no one ever talks to because you're just boring and strange and it all started at that party when you told that story to your-friend-who-doesn't-get-it and she nodded at you and thought 'You poor dear,'

You can lie so hard you could teach a class on it. You can even justify it. See, you've seen the future of option A. You don't want to end up that person. It's just a little lie and Julies been lying about dating Mark exclusively for six months now and no one calls her on it. It's safe. So you lie, and lie, and lie some more. Lies pour out of mouth at a great speed, making the once boring story strangely relate strongly to last weeks episode of House. You may even throw in an encounter with a large jungle cat for good measure. Because what's more interesting then a large jungle cat?
But sadly, there's a future to option B too. You're halfway through you're awesome story, you're going to pull this off. You are AMAZING. EVERYONE loves you. You are so cool you run down hospital hallways with Large Jungle cats. But then that smart-ass that no one invited to the party in the first place and only goes to RUIN YOUR LIFE walks over and says this: "Oh? You saw that episode too? Are you on any of the fan boards?" And with that one sentence, you're back where you started and wishing you'd gone with Option A.

Or, you can do what I always do when I'm telling an AWESOME STORY to friend-that-just-doesn't-get-it who is showing her increasing lack of getting it.



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