Saturday, November 20, 2010

Irrational Fear #2: My Yard.

Okay, so not my entire yard. Not even all the time.

Just some of the yard, some of the time.

See, my yard is about 120 Feet wide by 80. So, it's a decent size.

Right in front of the porch is a line of large 6-8 foot tall bushes. These bushes block your view of anything past them. The porch lights do not work.

So, if you're anything like me, you're standing out there at 11 at night rocking from one foot to the other in the dark waiting for your dogs to pee, and you hear a noise.

It isn't a dog noise.

It's a serial killer noise.

We've all heard them so I feel no need to explain them. I have a tendency to work myself into a ridiculous state of complete paranoia, standing there 100% sure I'm about to die.

To make this even sicker I believe that if I stand out there on the phone with someone, the Serial Killer/Monster/Alien/Creepy Perv from across the street/Bear will have manners and go onto someone who isn't using the phone.

So, I have Late-Night-In-The-Yard-Dogs-Outside-Phone-Buddies. These people are used to me calling late at night. One friend dealt with it nightly for almost two years before getting bored of my ranting.
Anyway, the conversations usually start like this:

"...I'm having dinner..."
"What if I die? Do you want to deal with that on your shoulders?"
"....Goodbye Brianna"
"What if they never find the bod-"

So, there you go. Irrational Fear #2. Believe me, 2 of many people. 2 of many.

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