Thursday, March 25, 2010

Irrational fear #1

Meeting your girlfriend.
I know it sounds stupid, but just hear me out.

I'm not even sure if I should categorize this as a *fear* maybe It’s just a task I really *really* dislike.

This is most likely because all of these meetings I’ve had previously have gone something like this:

Male friend: Alright guys, This is Alexandra, I told all of you about her...
*everyone nods*
*Alexandra smiles politely*
Male friend: Well, There’s Leo, I’ll be right back. Be nice girls!
*Awkward silence*
Alexandra: I just want all of you to know that if any of you touch him I’ll cut you.

If only I was kidding...

Seriously though, I always find myself sitting across the table from this new girl who’s telling me a story I really don’t care about while I smile and nod. Because in this awkward situation, smiling and nodding always works for me!

Either that, Or I’m being grilled about past relationships, past hook up’s, past medical history, past past past stuff that I honestly have no clue about. Seriously, if you want information on your new boyfriend, DO NOT ASK ME.

I go through life pretending not to know things, JUST so people like you won’t ask me.

The other problem is probably caused by all the horrible things, you, dear imaginary boy, have told me. I can't help that you telling me all your relationship woes and hates makes me biased against this shiny, pretty new girl. It's all your fault. If you don't like it don't talk to me about it.

It isn't my fault I can't separate things you said while pissed off into truth or reality. It's how I'm wired. Remember, I've never met this person, so if you tell me shes a whore one day, I promise to believe you the next.

And it always seems like these first-conversations always turn into a who-can-insult-who-while-being-nice-about-it contest, these last until every other girl has admitted to currently being in another relationship with someone else.

And this is only with women.

If you have a female friend bring her new boyfriend to meet you, he’s pretty much sitting there wanting nothing at all but approval from his new girlfriends friends, a girl on the other hand turns into this clingy bitchy monster.

And this is why whenever my male friends get girlfriends, I cringe a little on the inside. Because they always come seeking some sort of approval and in the end what can you really say?

Even though after they’ve left and you’ve closed the door, someone inevitably starts the conversation with a breathy


This is usually quickly followed by:

“What was he thinking?”

And then:

“You know, I think she stole one of my cups...”

Not that we’d ever openly admit this.
You really can’t ever be honest, because no one really wants you to be honest.

So later on when I’m asked

“What did you think?”

I find myself saying “She was great, awesome!”

So I just don't get it. I've always been the nice girlfriend who's (surprise) smiled and nodded and was able to not cling to her date. If anyone can explain this whole phenomenon to me that would be awesome, and don't just tell me I'm too judgmental. I know I'm judgmental.
I started judging you the minute you stepped through that door. I just won't admit it to your face because lets be honest, you are quite larger then me.

Back to the point, it's not to say that some of these girls don’t turn out to be relatively stable, nice people, it’s just those few that have ruined it for me. Kind of like those black Jelly Beans in the bag of all the other good flavors.

You know they aren’t all bad, but you can’t help but judge them for the all the Black Jelly Beans crimes. And this is why Meeting your girlfriend is one of my many irrational fears.

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