Friday, May 29, 2009

S-E-X and all that dirty teenage business.

Post-Script: I knew where I was going when I started. Not so much when I finished. 100% completely un-proof read and I'm sure some thoughts will mold together. I'll edit it later.

So, I started thinking about this in the shower this morning. I often start thinking really deep whilst in the shower. Anyone else? No? No? Are you sure? You’re lying.

Anyway, I started thinking about this cute worker at a local store. He’s flirted with me a couple times. Totally harmless, and very slight. But it’s there.

So what’s the problem with that? Well, he has to be at least nineteen, if not a bit older.

Le gasp. Mass hysteria. A nineteen year old flirting with a sixteen year old? That pervert. Someone call the police!

See what I did there?

I see nineteen year olds dating twenty-five year olds all the time. Never mind, the barely legal girls dating the creepy forty-year olds. That’s fine. No one says anything about that. She’s nineteen. So who cares?

But when you get a seventeen-year-old girl dating a twenty-year-old, or a sixteen-year-old dating an eighteen-year-old everyone freaks out.

So why is that?

Really, what difference does one or two years make? What is it about eighteen that makes anyone younger off limits? Who in America decided you became an adult at eighteen anyway? Do we have to run a maturity poll or something?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should have 12 year olds dating 50 year old guys. I’m not saying we should go back to the old times where young girls got married at 13 and had two or three kids by age fifteen.

I’m talking about teens dating teens. Teens having fun with teens. Teens having S-E-X with teens.

If you pay much attention – you’ll realize that this whole ’18 makes you an adult’ thing is everywhere. Even in most teens. We’ll take my friend Bunni for example. Last year she dated a guy for a while, and eventually they broke up. She’s roughly a year and a half older then him. So when if dating him came up in a conversation she hurriedly exclaimed that she could never date him – seeing as she’ll be 18 this month, and the age difference would be ‘creepy’.

Huh? So being a year or two older is okay until your eighteen. Then it’s illegal and scary. Am I right?

So, of course this is more of a problem for girls. Most parents don’t ask their son’s how old his girlfriend is, it’s a question that comes up a lot more often for teenage girls.

So why is that?

Are parents just protecting their dumb, naive, teen girls from the horror’s of what could happen if they decided to one day wander off and play with the big boys?

And what about those girls that lie? Or disrespect their parents wishes? How could they?!

Don’t they know that as soon as a man turns eighteen he becomes bent on nothing else then raping and deflowering young naïve teen girls while they clutch desperately to- oh wait, sorry, that’s not true is it?

So how did this whole ‘no touching until your 18’ business start anyway? Are we as a country just being sexist? Thinking girls aren’t smart enough to make decisions such as these until that fateful day when they turn eighteen and magically grow a brain?

Oh! Of course. I get it now. It’s because, we as teenage girls – don’t know what we’re doing! That must be it. I mean, they teach us all about reproductive systems and STD’s in school, Sex in everywhere – from billboards to TV. It’s free allllllll over the Internet. We’ve all seen it, heard about it, or read it. And we’re lying if we say we haven’t. We know all about it. We just aren’t smart enough to be involved in it.

Especially with someone older then ourselves.

Because we don’t know what we’re doing.

We aren’t smart enough to lie about our ages. We aren’t smart enough to dress older, or act older. It’s not like we’re allowed to dress like sex on legs, talk about sex, or think about it. Wait… for god sake what’s wrong with us? We’re only teenagers! Where are our one-piece smocks? Where are our Catholic Abstinence only daytime cartoons?

No wait. Everyone calm down! It’s okay. We can act like that.

Because we don’t know what we’re doing.

Because we can’t be held responsible.

After all, if we end up dating and sleeping with that 18 year old neighbor we’ve known for who knows how long – it’s because he lied, and was too crafty for our slow teenage minds. It’s not like we knew what we we’re doing.

So it’s not our fault.

So we aren’t going to be held responsible for our naïve female actions…. wait, your kidding right? We ARE being held responsible? Since when?

Ahhhhh, Okay, the whole ‘sexting’ thing. So, we don’t know what we’re doing when we have sex – but we do when we take naked pictures of ourselves and send them all over the interwebs? Make up your mind already!

Sorry girls, you can’t be a porn star until your 18! Off to jail with you. Manufacturing Child pornography. What’s wrong with you girls? Sending it to boys all over school. Soiling they’re once clean minds. Shame on you!

All I’m saying is, lets all take a step back. Look around us. What does putting a bunch of 18 year olds in jail do for us anyway?

Does that make us safer?

Safer from what?

Unwanted pregnancies?

Unwed mothers?

Soiled brides?

The horror.

If you don’t want your teen girls to have sex, you should talk to them about it. If you don’t want them having kids – you should encourage in everyway you can the use of birth control and condoms.

But putting away her poor boyfriend?

Am I really the only one that thinks that’s a bit extreme?

And lets not forget those porn-sta- I mean students. What does putting them in jail do?

Save a kid from getting a hard-on in class?

Save the girl from future embarrassment as an adult?

After all, she must have all those shameful acts pushed firmly to the back of her mind – so far back she couldn’t find them if she tried.

That must be what juvi’s for.

It’s like a purification retreat.

Only without the vegan lunches and the meditation.

So, lets all take a step back here. Is this whole ’18 or older’ craze real? Is there any real reason for it?

Or are we, as a family, as a state, as a country –

Just completely and utterly brainwashed?

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