Thursday, August 5, 2010

"Huh, that was weird,"

I am a strange person. I’ll admit it. Personality wise I’m very tolerant and level headed, while also being capable of becoming a mega-bitch in several short seconds.

No matter what group of friends I seem to be in, I’m the “Go-to” person for everyone drama’s, problems and gossips. I’ve been told I’m very good at dishing out advice, and ridiculously tolerant to others woe’s.

While I’m very good at understanding what people should do, I’m not very good at understanding WHY people do the things they do.

I don’t understand why or how people can completely disregard or abandon friendships or relationships that they’ve had for years because someone new and shiny comes along. Or because they’re following someone else's lead.

This bothers me. Not because I dwell on it or it still upsets me. It happens, it’s over. Get on with it. What bothers me is not understanding something. It gets under my skin. To the point where I can be slightly obsessive.

A friend of mine asked me to learn the chords of a song last week. The chords don’t exist and there isn’t any sheet music anywhere. I’ve spent the last week playing and messing with chords until my fingers have literally bled figuring it out.

So not understanding peoples motives truly bothers me.

Recently, an ex sent me a letter concerning his horrible plight of sitting there feeling guilty about what he did to me. It was well thought out and pitying and shallow and as always, all about him. When I showed it to someone they said (and I quote) “ Wow....He managed to make an apology letter offensive!”

Basically the letter explained how not only was I a horrible person, but somehow he also thought (with atrocious arrogance) that HE is the sole reason for me 'being the way I am now'! I mean wow. That's pretty epic.

I guess this goes back to that quote “Forgiveness heals us emotionally, not those you forgive,”

But here’s the thing, he wasn’t asking for forgiveness. In all honestly, I hadn’t thought about the kid in at least six months. He never made any great impact on my life. He did hurt me, several times. But it wasn’t anything major, and while I believe he’s kind of sort of scum, he wasn’t someone I cared enough about to be angry at.

So what was the point of the letter? Well it was to let me know (in a very nice way!) that, while I may never be a good enough person to reconcile with him like I should, he made such an impact in my life that I would, never, ever be the same again.

So, what exactly was the point? What motivates someone to sit down and write something like that, especially with it being almost two years after the facts?

I often wonder why we feel the need to feel better about ourselves by looking down on others. If anyone has any sort of scientific facts about this I would love to hear them, because it’s a genuine curiosity.

I guess in the end we aren’t necessarily supposed to know. We’re supposed to look at it, say “huh, that was weird,” and get back to that song we’re all working on.

So, for those of you asking about it, I’ll chalk the whole thing up as

“Huh, that was weird,” and try to figure out this next chord.

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