Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I won't bother to write or phone you, I'll just rip the still beating heart from your chest.

Lets face it, whatever your gender, race or religion being attractive is tough.

Believe me, no matter how many people you see that pretty “popular” girl that you just love to hate surrounded by at that party you’re at with your friends, or how many numbers she gets, it isn’t all fun and games.

I, myself, have the confidence to admit I’m rather attractive. Most of us, if asked directly won’t admit being pretty. We’ll blow it off in a cute way that you really don’t mind.

Maybe it’s growing up in a society built on sex, or maybe it’s just something in our genes, but most reasonably good looking females with half a brain learn early what a gift it is to have a pretty face and a cute body. If you have more then half a brain, you figure out that charm counts for just as much.
Either way, we figure out that flirting is pretty much the best way to go in almost all situations, meeting new people, getting something you want, etc.

This doesn’t only work for boys of course. Whoever said that flirting is an art was dead on. If you do it right, say everything right, with enough laugh or enough softness, and with the proper body posture, subtle flirting works on girls too. No matter how straight they are. Eventually, to many of us pretty girls, flirting becomes second nature. It’s a part of us, and we don’t even think about it.

Both flirting and beauty alone can be trouble, mixed together they can be worse.

People naturally gravitate towards pretty people, maybe it’s a fascination or maybe it’s because people think if they surround themselves by pretty people, they themselves will feel better about their physical appearance.

In case you didn’t know it, I’ll be the first to vouche to the fact that girls hate pretty girls. They might even be best friends with the prettier girl, but deep down in side we all basically hate pretty girls.

So, on one hand, being a pretty girl is tough because other girls tend to hold beauty against one another. Like I said, fascination or self-esteem. And, seeing as self esteem doesn’t come from other people, you’re left with “friends” who are fascinated by you. But eventually, fascination runs out, and they realize that you’re pretty normal, with normal problems. You may even be a bit boring. For me any friendships with other females tend to not last very long due to barely hidden animosity. It could just start as as something joking on their part

“Oh gosh you are so hot”

“You’re freaking smoking”

When a female says this to another female, in a ‘friend’ like way there is no right answer.

You can go for the “Oh no, I’m really not”

Which will lead to more animosity down the road about what a bitch you are for not accepting compliments.

Or the second road is a polite “Thank you”.

Which will lead to more animosity down the road about what a self-centered bitch you are for agreeing with them.

Believe me, you can’t win.

So unless you can find a few close girlfriends who can see past pretty and care more about attitude, expect to be pretty alone on the gal-pal front.

Oh, but believe me, if you’re a pretty girl - You will never be fully lonely.
Because men are men, and men like pretty girls. Believe me, black, white, gay, straight, single, married, you’ll have a fan club. Or a collection, depending on how you handle them.

Growing up, and now especially, I find that I relate better (and have better friendships) with men.

Being a pretty girl with male-friends is an entirely different front. I’ve found that you meet a lot of guys because they want to get in your pants, or be your trophy boy and when they realize you don’t put out or aren’t interested, they lose interest pretty quickly as well.

There are other guys, who, while also at some point wanted to date/make-out/sex/cling/cuddle you, will stick around once they get to know you as a friend. Some will become the “Older Brother” type, while others will just be your best friend until they get a girlfriend, (you can’t be ‘just friends’ with a prettier girl then the one you’re currently dating, sorry boys) or lose interest.

It’s an interesting and rough scenario being pretty, and it leads to serious trust issues.

I have several male “best-friends”

There’s Luke, who I met through mutual friend. He had a crush on me, and we grew a friendship based on the sole fact that we hated all the same people. Go figure. We were super close for a couple of years, but he had some home problems and frankly and more important people and things to deal with then me. We still communicate everyday, and flirt a lot, but I would no longer call us close. Growing out of relationships sucks.

There’s Devin, who is probably one of the smartest kids you’d ever meet. He’s in boarding school now, and is only given one 10-minute phone call a month. He calls me every month, but the conversations (which make my month) go a lot like this:

“Hey Brianna, It’s Devin”

*lots of excited feminine noises and excited screeching”

After that he tells me about the hell they’re putting him through in school, and how he only have two or three more years left, and then his ten minutes are up.

There’s Jake, who I haven’t seen in a good two years. He lives about three hours away, and neither one of us have really pushed to go see each other. We talk online and make plans, but we never follow through.

And then there are the others, the numerous boys that text/call/IM me because they met me once and want to pushily “get to know me.” There’s the even more annoying group, a group of boys who decided at one point or the other that I was the love of their life and when they got turned down they took it personally and decided I was leading them on. Because I totally didn’t ignore every text/call/IM you sent me. Yes, I'm such a heartbreaker. Yeah. Right.

So where does that leave us?

The boys want to date you, and the girls all hate you.

No, I didn’t mean for that to rhyme. 

It’s tiring, and sickening. And at the end of the day, who do you really have to call? Who do you have to complain and gossip and cry too?

At the end of the day, all us pretty girls have are ourselves, our self-confidence, the hope we may find people that don’t suck, and whatever gift someone sent us that day.

Maybe being normal and overlooked seems easier then being pretty.

Maybe being pretty is a lot lonelier then it looks.

Maybe you’ll think about that next time you’re using one of us to make yourself look good.



1 comment:

  1. I both agree and disagree.

    On one hand, I'm compiling a list of all the things smiling pretty and turning wide eyes on men can get me. The list ranges from free oil changes to free train tickets to a successful "Please don't call the police!" I'd be almost ashamed, it feels mildly like prostitution, but I never ask, things are always just given.

    And on the other hand, the only guys who ever seem to care are balding men in clubs. I'm a fucking magnet for bald drunk men who are "not from around here" and "just want to talk a little, get to know ya." Just once I'd like a guy my own age to care.

    But also yes to girls hating pretty girls. Because every flaw you see in yourself, you don't see in her, and you hate her for not having to beat herself up over thick thighs or crooked teeth. I've never lost friends over it, as I feel that sort of backstabbing girl fighting is harshest in high school when I was all too long skirts and acne ridden, but now it frustrates me when I try to compliment someone and their self esteem issues cause them to self deprecate in the face of a compliment.

    At the end of the day, everyone just goes home lonely.